


Damaged (A Sanders Sides Fanfic)

by genderfluid_royalty



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Anorexia, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders Has Panic Attacks, Bulimia, Everyone Is Gay, Gay, Gay Logic | Logan Sanders, Human Sides (Sanders Sides), Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Minor Dr. Emile Picani/Sleep | Remy Sanders, Morality | Patton Sanders is a Good Friend, Multi, Prince Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders, Self-Harm, Suicide Attempt, Villain Deceit Sanders
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-15
Updated: 2019-03-15
Packaged: 2019-10-29 06:37:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,185
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17802890
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/genderfluid_royalty/pseuds/genderfluid_royalty
Summary: !!DISCLAIMER: I do not own Sanders Sides, or it's characters. I also do not own the content of certain references in this story that are used.!!~~~Virgil Louis is a new kid at Westward High School. What makes matters worse is that Virgil escaped from an abusive relationship with Andrion, a boy who would deceive and hurt him.Enter Roman Jones: Active member of the Drama Club and Student Voice Group. When him and Virgil are partnered for a bonding project for school, Virgil can't stand Roman. And Roman can't stand Virgil half the time. Roman can't stand Virgil because of his huffy-puffy attitude. Virgil can't tolerate Roman because of his... His overall niceness.However, when Virgil is found crying in the bathroom, he and Roman bond.Set over the course of one school year, this story is about how two polar opposites found love in each other's worlds.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own the Sanders Sides, its characters, or any other content in this story. 
> 
> Warning: This book depicts graphic and sensitive content, including, but not limited to:  
> -Suicide  
> -Self-harm  
> -Abuse (verbal, physical, and sexual)  
> -Eating Disorders
> 
> If you are sensitive to any of the content, please do not read this story. 
> 
> National Suicide Hotline
> 
>  
> 
> 1-800-273-8255
> 
> National Eating Disorder Association Helpline
> 
> 1-800-931-2237
> 
> The National Dating Abusive Helpline
> 
> 866-331-9474 or 866-331-8453
> 
>  
> 
> Remember, you are not alone. I have went through this myself. This book does not romanticize suicide, eating disorders, or mental disorders overall. Rather, it gives the ugly truth behind every single one of these. 
> 
> I love you guys. Stay safe. 
> 
> ~Mika

VIRGIL

As the car pulled up to the massive brick building, immediate voices started to cloud the young man's head.

"You're going to embarrass yourself."

"You expect everyone to like  _you_?"

"You'll _never_ be as good as your mother expects you to be."

"Die, die, die, _die, die, die_ , _**die, die, die**_ -"

"Virgil? Are you okay?" A voice expelled the demons from Virgil's mind, and he snaps back to reality with a jolt. 

"Y-Yeah, mom?" Virgil turns and looks at his mother. 

Her green eyes held concern, as her thin fingers pushed a piece of hair out of her son's face. "Hair out of your face," she would say, "or you'll go blind."

She smiles, though it was sad. Virgil wasn't sure if it was her worry for him or because of the incident. 

"You have to get him off of your mind, Virgil," His mother says.

Well, that answered his question.

"Mom, we've been together for two years. I can't get him out of my head that easily..." Virgil sighs and rubs his arms.

"I know he hurt you, Virgil, but you _have_ to move on. This will destroy you if you keep dwelling on it. 

"I know. You told me ten times since we moved here."

His mother shot Virgil a look that read, "I really hope you're not giving me lip."

Virgil felt it's intensity and sighed, "Sorry, mom..."

She sighs and takes his face into his hands, like she used to when he was a child, "Just... If things get hairy, go to the social worker and call me. You have your 504 plan?"

Virgil opens his purple bag and takes out a manilla folder with doodle purple spiders on it. Written in large block letters was "Virgil 504".

His mother sighs, "At least you have it."

She cups Virgil's face with her hands and kisses his nose (like she also used to when he was a child), "Good luck, baby. I love you."

"Love you too, mom..." With that, Virgil opened the door and walked out of the car. 

 

ROMAN

It was the first week of senior year, and Roman was already getting informed that a new student needs showing around. Whatever, he thought. He needed to get out of Mr. Kidd's class anyways. The guy can make him fall asleep, his lessons were so boring. 

Nonetheless, he was happy to get out of first period. At 8:15, he made it into the guidance office, where the woman at the desk handed Roman a schedule. He couldn't help but take a peek at it. 

LOUIS, VIRGIL

Roman thought about the name "Virgil' and the only thing that came up was the Aeneid by a Roman poet of the same name. He had to read a section of the epic and analyze it as part of a summer project last year. Roman kept reading the schedule. 

First Period (7:55 - 8:45) - Report to Guidance 

Second Period (8:45 - 9:35) - AP U.S History - Fielding, Arlo

Damn, Roman has Fielding? He must be super good. Even if Fielding is Australian, he knows American History better than the other APUSH teacher, Montgomery. He kept reading

Third Period (9:35 - 10:00) - Study Hall - Johnson, Fierro

Lunch 1 (10:00 - 10:25) - Gordon, Kevin

Fourth Period B (10:25 - 11:15) - Honors English 3 - Lois, Markel

Roman looked at the fourth class. That's the same English class as him. Maybe he can learn more about the kid there?

Fifth Period B (11:15 - 12:35) - Art 101 - Kellin, Quinn

Sixth Period (12:35 - 1:25) - Honors Chemistry - Finn, Paul

Roman snickered. How much of a nerd was this kid, anyway? APUSH? Honors Chem? Hell, he's even taking art classes. Roman can't relate, since he's great with a script, but horrible with a pen and paper. He reads on.

Seventh Period (1:25 - 2:15) - Report to Guidance

Damn, why did this kid have to report to Guidance all the time? Is Virgil that helpless?

Out of the corner of his eye, he sees a young boy walk in, and his breath was pulled out of his mouth before he can say "Holy Teenage Angst". 

This kid - presumably Virgil - was a hodgepodge of a My Chemical Romance album and a purple paint bucket all rolled into a sad little teen. He had sickly pale skin, making him look like a relative of Dracula himself. Virgil also had bags under his eyes, and unkempt dyed black hair that's dyed purple at the tips. He wears a black jacket that seems to be sewn with patches all over the place, along with purple fabric. Some included a gay pride flag, a patch that says "Anxiety is my middle name", and one that says "Punk isn't dead, you are." He wears black jeans and purple converse with Nightmare Before Christmas doodles. 

"Uh, miss?" The kid asks, turning to the woman at the desk. 

She smiles up at him and gestures him to Roman.

VIRGIL

His breath caught in his throat before he can say "Holy DisneyWorld".

The kid who was supposed to guide him around the school looked like Lin-Manuel Miranda and Thomas Sanders had a kid on Broadway. He wears a red varsity hoodie with golden accents. The last name "Jones" was embroidered in gold script on his right bicep. His neat, Prince-Charming-esque hair was neatly combed to keep it out of his face. He wears skinny jeans and a t-shirt that says "Westward High Presents: Heathers, The Musical" with a subtitle reading "What's Your Damage?"

Virgil almost went blind with the bright colors, but he looks down no matter what. A habit he's picked up after dating... _Him._

The kid looks at Virgil and clears his throat. Apparently, he was staring, too. 

"S-So, uh... You're Virgil Louis?"

Virgil nods, gulping down his words. That voice sounded so much like _him_. It echoes in Virgil's mind, and the voices use it to his advantage. They manipulate it, turn the voice into _his_ , and they speak.

_"You don't love me."_

_**"Quit going behind my back!"** _

**"If anyone asks, you ran into a door."**

_"Then **kill yourself! I don't care!** "_

_"Baby, I'm sorry..."_

_"Hello? Virgil?"_

The boy snaps back into reality. He topples forward, lightheaded and dizzy. The boy is there to catch him on time. 

"Whoa! Be careful..."

Red is wrapped around him. Strong arms hold him up. He looks up and his chocolate brown eyes meet baby blue. Virgil sits up and steps back a little. What just happened? Did he almost faint? 

"Jeez, I'd at least expect you to be somewhat awake," The boy comments.

"Y-Yeah. Sorry..." Virgil looks down again.

A couple minutes of silence pass before the kid speaks again, "Uh, my name's Roman. I'm a junior here."

Virgil looks up and sighs a little, "I-I'm... Well, you already know who I am."

Roman chuckles and looks at the paper, "Well, why don't I show you around? It's almost 8:30, so we'd better get going."

Virgil nods and the two walk out of the hallway, side by side.

This was going to be one hell of a school year...


	2. Two

ROMAN

The situation was awkward.

He and Virgil were walking down the halls, both silent. Virgil kept looking down, and whenever Roman tried to initiate a conversation ("So, APUSH, huh?"; "Heard you're an artist?"; "How's life been so far?"), Virgil either shrugged or kept his head low. The kid seemed to flinch whenever Roman would try to talk. Was Virgil afraid of him?

The tension breaks whenever they arrive at a classroom. Virgil would go up to the teacher and, reluctantly, shake their hand. Then, Roman and Virgil would be on their way again, tension restored. 

Virgil's gait was very closed off: hands in pockets, tense shoulders, and downward gaze. A couple times, he bumped into a door and muttered a 'sorry', as if it were a person.

Roman sighed. What was wrong with this kid? He seemed really messed up, from the bags under his brown eyes to his low confidence. He wants to get to know him, try to get him to open up. But he can't get the kid to say anything. Of course, Roman didn't want to pry, but he wants to gain a friend. And he means an _actual_ friend, not like those fake-ass jocks who hang around him at lunch. Friends like Logan and Patton. 

Finally, the bell for second period rang, and Virgil jumped. 

"Shit," Roman sighed, "I guess that ends our tour. Here."

Roman hands the schedule to Virgil, who takes it and looks at it. 

"You know your way around?"

Virgil nods, muttering something that sounded like a "Thank you".

"It's no problem," Roman smiled.

The two stood in awkward silence before Roman cleared his throat, "W-Well... See ya, man. Good luck."

With that, Roman walks off to his second period. 

VIRGIL

The young boy watches Roman walk away, then glances back at his schedule. He sighs, "Well, guess I should get going."

With that, Virgil makes his way to his next class. 

~~~

The next two hours were full of embarrassing mispronunciations of his name, and Virgil being told to say something about himself by one teacher. He ended up stuttering and earning laughs from one group in the back. Looking down, Virgil took his seat in the back, next to a window, and the lecture commenced. 

By this time, it was his absolute least favorite subject: Lunch.

Virgil sighed and grabbed his two water bottles from his bag, then moves to a table. Apparently, this table wasn't favored by any students. So, Virgil sat alone. It wasn't that no one liked him. He just gave off this vibe of "Don't come near me, or I'll play Mimosa and close up." 

If anything, Virgil liked the loneliness. He had time to think about things. He had time to fill up on his water and maybe chew on a couple pieces of gum. He was dozing off into space when he noticed a younger boy sit next to him. 

"Hi there," he says, smiling.

Virgil looks over.

He'll admit now, this boy was adorable. With his shaggy brown hair and friendly green eyes, the kid could have been his little brother. From what Virgil can remember, his father had green eyes, just like this kid. 

The boy wore a baby blue sweater with a pair of slim-fit jeans. Around his shoulders was a fluffy white jacket. His face was puffy around the cheeks and adorned with freckles. They were like constellations in the night sky. Upon his nose was a pair of round glasses. He smiles like a child, dimples appearing in the pits of his cheeks.

"I noticed you looked lonely, so I wanted to keep you company," The kid said as he sat down next to Virgil, "My name's Patton. Patton Lorens."

Patton held out his hand, which Virgil shook. "Nice to meet you," Virgil remarked, smiling a little.

"So, you're the new kid everyone's talking about?" Patton lets go and picks up his apple, taking a bite.

Virgil's blood ran cold, "E-Everyone?"

"Well, yeah. They saw you walking the halls with the Drama Club leader, Roman Jones."

Virgil swallowed the lump in his throat. Roman was the Drama Club leader? How could he have been so dumb?

"Hey, are you okay? You look kinda pale," Patton said, reaching over to touch Virgil's face.

"I-I'm fine!" Virgil reeled away, "Just... I never expected for news to spread this fast."

"Don't let the size of the school population fool you, Virgil. It may be large, but information spreads like wildfire."

Virgil sighed. He looks up at Patton, and notices the concern across his face.

"Why are you looking at me like that," Virgil asks.

"Because you're hyperventilating. Do you need to step out into the courtyard? Or go to the nurse?" Patton stood abruptly.

_He stands up abruptly, shouting at Virgil._

_"Why won't you? You were okay with it last month."_

_"Just because I was okay with it last month doesn't mean I'm okay with it now!"_

_"Get over here," He said, reaching for Virgil's hoodie. Virgil struggles to get out of the way but his boyfriend grabs onto his sleeve. Virgil unzips the hoodie and slides out of it._

_"HEY! Get back here you little shit!"_

_His boyfriend advances on him, and Virgil runs._

_"Virgil!" He calls, but he sounds different. His voice is higher, more far away._

_"Vir_ gil!" He calls again, only this time, it isn't his boyfriend.

"VIRGIL!" Patton kneels next to Virgil, looking around for help. A teacher comes by, leaning over the boy.

"What happened?" The adult asked. Her voice sounded far away, muffled almost.

Patton said something... Or at least, Virgil thinks Patton said something. He saw the boy's mouth moving, but there was no sound. His vision blurred. Virgil was on the floor, blue tile reflecting back on his pale skin. He can see the sneakers on students, a small crowd gathered around him. He can hear the muffled shouts of a security officer before blacking out...

ROMAN

Roman was in his biology class, listening to his teacher finish up his lecture about chlorophyll and photosynthesis when he heard the announcement.

There was a small beep when the crackling voice over the intercom spoke.

"Please excuse the interruption. There is a medical emergency. We advise all classes in session to remain in their rooms. We are holding the bells until further notice. Again, we have a medical emergency. We advise all classes in session to remain in their rooms. No one is to be roaming the halls at this time. We are holding the bells until further notice. Thank you."

With a click, the announcement was over. Some students groaned while others sighed in relief. Roman was indifferent, since his next period was Drama. There wasn't much to do, except memorize lines with a partner. And it wasn't like he needed to memorize lines, since he knows them like the back of his hand. So, drama class is basically a free period.

"Well, the remaining time is to yourselves. Either finish the homework, or goof off and let your grades slip. Your choice," The teacher lamented, and went to his seat to finish grading papers.

Homework? Yeah, that's not happening. He can get Logan to come over later and help him. In the meantime, he scrolled through Instagram and Tumblr on his phone when he got a text from Patton.

He opens it up, and the gray bubble is in all caps.

Patton: OMGOMGOMGOMG I AM FREAKING OUT

Roman read the text and responds, his thumbs flying over his digital keyboard.

Roman: Pat, ctfd. w@ happened??

His reply came in minutes. Roman assumed that Patton was shaking, because his type was all jumbled.

Patton: youk now the n ew kid???

Roman raised an eyebrow. Does this have something to do with the announcement? He replied anyway. He had to know.

Roman: ya... y?

Patton's response was hesitant until Roman saw the gray bubble.

Patton: He's in the ambulance rn...

Roman gasped and stood up, "I-I have to go to the bathroom!"

The teacher looked up, and the students also did. Some tilted their heads. Others turned back to either their work or their phones. The teacher sighed, "Hurry up."

Roman ran out of the room without hearing the reminder to take the hall pass. He didn't need it. Roman was going to the ambulance to console Patton and help Virgil.


	3. Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> read end note for author stuff

** VIRGIL **

He doesn't remember anything but blurry faces and far-away voices. The linoleum floor of the cafeteria feels cool against his skin, and his tongue feels too big for his mouth. His breaths come and go so fast, he can't use the grounding technique his therapist taught him. His chest aches, his heart pumping blood too fast. He sees blurry faces and blurry outlines and he can't see much else because Virgil is beginning to slip away. He feels like someone made him drink gasoline and lit a match on his tongue. His face feels hot and his entire being shakes. 

Blurry faces in blue uniform rush in, blurry students clearing a path and Virgil is on the floor, curled up and shivering even though his body feels literally on fire. 

Suddenly, he's off the ground, curled up and clutching a section of cloth- He's on a gurney.

Wind rushes over his face as he smells the cold autumn air. He can't catch his breath and his lungs scream for air, please let us _breathe._

The pressure on his chest is immense, he can't breathe or speak. A paramedic's voice says something about shock and to just keep breathing sweetheart it'll be okay but Virgil is gone before he's in the ambulance...

* * *

 

A black room. No up or down. This is Virgil's mind. It's dark, yet when he stretches his hand out, he can see the messy stitching on his jacket, the scars on his fingers where he bites his cuticles. 

He knows what will happen. He can already hear the hissing of the snake, the feeling of the slithery being finding it's way up Virgil's leg. Virgil steps back, looking around wildly when it appears.

The snake is _huge,_ at least five feet long. Black spots cover it’s yellow scales, it’s green eyes too bright for Virgil to look at. Two heads protrude from the top, one hissing at Virgil, the other letting out a maniacal laugh.

 _So foolish to think you have finally rid of me._ The right snake head hissed, rearing up on it’s tail to face Virgil, _You’re just as stupid as before, my sweet little bat~_

Virgil covered his ears and looked away, “You’re not real. This is a dream. I’m in the hospital."

The left head let out a laugh that sounded like a choking cat, and hissed, _Always quick to deny, Virgil. Nothing has changed since-_

“Shut up!” Virgil yelled, sinking to his knees. He’s muttering now, shaking his head, “This isn’t real. This isn’t real. This isn’t real..."

 _Just admit it, Virgil,_ the snake heads hissed in unison, slithering up his legs and coiling around his arms,  _You still miss me, even when the misery has faded..._

“I _don’t_ miss you, Ethan,” Virgil spat, wincing as the snake wrapped tighter around him. Virgil struggles, but the snake bites him, causing black liquid to trickle out of the wound. 

 _Lies, lies, lies, Virgil..._ The two snake heads hiss, wrapping around the boy’s neck,  _Just like when you said that you wouldn’t come back to me... But if that were the case, what am I doing in your mind?_

Virgil tries to grab at the snake, but it coils tighter and tighter around his neck. He starts to gasp and pant and choke, his lungs screaming for oxygen, air, just for a breath and it’ll be okay.

But Virgil knew it wouldn’t be okay. He can already see the black start to fade in, the snake laughing and hissing and coiling tighter and tighter until he was gone...

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys,  
> so it’s been a while since i’ve posted anything on here. I know you all wanted another chapter, but the one I had to post today was relatively short compared to previous chapters.  
> I am currently going through a lot of personal stuff. Plus, school is almost over for me and I have a lot of work to do. I may post during the summer, or whenever possible. I am getting a summer job, which will make writing and stuff difficult.  
> All in all, I’m sorry for the wait, and I hope that this fulfills your needs of a chapter.  
> Stay safe, loves.  
> ~Mika


End file.
